I am just finished doing the dishes and honestly, I was thinking what if this whole thing has just been a bad idea that i didn't know how to stop or get out of? What if i need someone who will inspire me to push creatively and who will say let's go to the art gallery etc tonight the poetry reading the living breathing community around us of people who Live! Fire!
I am always putting myself second, and getting upset afterwards. I am scared to say how I feel or what I want because I don't want to push him away. well, fuck it. If he's pushed away then he's not strong enough.
Our house is disgusting and he's asleep and I am the one who cried myself to sleep last night alone while he watched tv in the living room...do you think you might just be tired? NO. I think I might have something inside me which needs expressing you dickwad!
URgg.
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