discomfort

when I try and face myself
there is discomfort
I am scared
of the awakening, of the newness

I want to do this, but I am nervous
it is unfamiliar territory, after all.

and I am scared I will fail - scared I will do what I always do and turn away, get distracted and ose the momentum. not practice. find myself in a year wishing I had been awake
wishing I had written, that i had thought.
that I had allowed my subtle perception to breathe in the air and come forth.
rather than the usual choice of the brutish critical - gosh, aren't I negative - pusher I seem to live with.
It's like giving up a bad relationship I guess. Not something I've ever done. hmm.
gotta jump someday.